I feel like blogging is what I need at the moment. I feel very dejected right now. I believe I am doing what God wants me to do, saying what God wants me to say, living the way God wants me to live, abstaining from what God wants me to abstain from, and now I do not even feel like my very desires are being satisfied. You know, the things you really really want but can't have because God says, "It's not time yet?" Yup. That's it. I know I shouldn't feel dejected, but you know it's the human thing I feel right now. Being a Christian does not mean you're perfect.
I feel confused because there are tugs on my heart in two different directions, but I don't know how they meet up. I feel a bit of comfort knowing that other people have gone through the same things before me, but I do not know if what their saying is benefitting me. I feel frustrated with having to step away from different people, but the more I step away the more God allows me to see their true colors. I'm hurt because honestly being alone is not fun, even if I know I have God who never leaves you. Most of the time I feel they don't understand me. Half the time they can ignore me. Sometimes I lie to myself and say it's because you're not good enough.
Do you see a pattern?
I. Me. Self. These can break a person. -Diamond Bliss
You see as a human it's easy to focus on your own life. As a Christian, you tend to see above most people and long for a special bond with someone, anyone, who sees the normalcy that God sees. A friend, a sibling, a parent, an aunt, an uncle, a pet, the list is neverending. For me, it's super challenging because all my thoughts cannot be spoken to a particular person throughout the day, I find myself mowing over things in my mind. I love to think; I love to study; I love to focus; however, there is a time when focusing too long can cause your mind to study thinking. What I mean is my thoughts can get all boggled up! Then you start downing yourself. Then the devil starts talking (because who better to finish the major blows to your mind than the devil).
2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."
It's okay to be hurt. It shows you are human. It's okay to have a hard time accepting God's decisions for you but remember, you trusted him in the first place. The negative thoughts in your mind are of the devil (John 8:44) because he is the father of lies and no truth is ever in him; but God wants us to bring our minds under subjection, no matter how hard that is.
So whatever you're going through dear friend (like me right now), I want you to know that this pain, annoyance, or hopelessness you feel right now will not always be there. Think of it as growing pains? I believe it's a reason to trust God even more, don't you think?
Proverbs 3: 5-6: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.
Yours,
Diamond Bliss
P.S God will give you strength and comfort no matter what. Trust Him always, He knows what He's doing. Everything happens for a reason...
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